Life Is An Oregon Trail

Hello, everyone...I thought I would drop you all a note, and see if anyone wanted to donate to St. Jude in the month of March. See, I joined the Knit & Fundraise Challenge for St. Jude, and then I realized my life is a smelly dumpster fire at the moment, so I may have overestimated my ability to be a prolific knitter in an allotted time frame.

That, though, is the bad news. 

I mean, there has been a ton of bad news, in my defense. But what I mean is that if I look on the bright side, at least I started to knit, at least I am sharing the fundraiser, and at least the people who know me understand that I am already doing my best. So there is that.

Here is the link to the donation page. If you don't have Facebook, you can always just go here to donate, and there is a spot to put who sent you to their page. You can donate in memory of someone, or in honor of an occasion like, say, Amy Kaspar's Knit & Fundraise Challenge:

https://www.facebook.com/donate/598504321614651/10158923877575474/

For the record, I am doing my part anyway. I am knitting, I am showing you my progress right here and right now, and I am tooting the horn of St. Jude publicly!

See? Here I am at the gym this morning, "representin'," as the cool kids say.

And yesterday, I was sitting at the Avery Coonley School in Downers Grove, waiting for Stanley to be socially evaluated. For those of you who do not know my son, you know how hilarious it is that he needed to be evaluated in the first place when it comes to social skills. The kid has boundaries, but he has no Stranger Danger whatsoever. They were having a Wellness Period while he was there, so when we were leaving, he had to go up to each dog-handler of the three dog visitors and ask them, "Is your dog friendly?" before petting their dogs.

And finally, here is your glimmer of hope for the day. Many knitters look at patterns, browse the internet for inspiration, and even wander the yarn shop with the idea that seeing a finished product will make him, her, or them want to start and finish a project. I, a short-attention-span-knitter, often start projects that take me months because I keep putting them down, in order to be stimulated by a different project. This one, however...just look at it. The project is from Lang Yarns and the yarn, in my stash, is Berroco Lustra (a throwback, for sure...it has probably been discontinued for a decade...but by all means, zoom in on the gorgeousness):

I have had a hard time. Last year was the culmination of a three-year period, where I was trying to hold my marriage together as my husband went down a horrible downward spiral, only to have him seek help and then realize how overwhelming adulthood is (I am simplifying because the details are really nobody's business). The pandemic, which happened to be the same time period, was a horrible time to be a property investor in Chicago. It resulted in me losing $70,000 in one year with no recourse from any relief program out there, and selling a building for the sake of my mental health. I then purchased a wonderful place from a wonderful man out in Rochelle, about sixty miles from my house. The tenants there are like family, just like my building in Westmont. It has not been all gloom and doom, but the bad has far, far outweighed the good.

On Christmas Eve, Erik's kids were visiting us from their mom's house for the holiday. Recently, their household situation had dramatically changed, and Christmas Eve was the first time the kids could finally be honest with us about the horrors they had been subjected to and living with. We had spent the past six years telling them, "Look...we know that's not true. Just tell us the truth instead of lying. You can trust us." Realistically, though, they could not possibly trust adults. At all. We understood this, and we had waited patiently.

So, we spent over an hour hearing about the horrors of all of the stuff we knew, but just needed confirmation. Again, the specific details are nobody's business. But on January 11, I got a call from my husband less than an hour after I arrived to work. He had been contacted by Emergency Services, and was on his way to his former house, where his ex-wife lived.

The kids, fifteen minutes previous to this, had discovered their mom dead in bed. They are eight and thirteen.

I arrived there, did what I had to do to support my husband, and then talked to God a bit about just desserts and karma and other non-religious stuff that fits in the monster-sized "What Goes Around Comes Around" file, because I was assessing the last six years and predicting the next six. My brain goes in weird places when I am the Calm One, and there are some big feelings around me. The kids had already been picked up at this point, but they immediately came to live with us, along with their two not-properly-cared-for cats.

The past two months have been challenging, for both everyone in my household and everyone who encounters us. Trauma, and the processing of trauma - especially when the kids and the husband were never given the tools to process it properly - is like pancake syrup. You see it, you wash it, it looks gone, and then you realize that it was on your fingertips and has stuck to everything you have touched since then.

The kids have outbursts like toddlers, except that they weigh about ninety pounds apiece. I feel overwhelmed but have to take care of more than my share, since I am the most enlightened in the house. Erik is overwhelmed because - let's face it - this is A LOT. Our jobs are affected. The school counselors are working overtime. Money is basically being tossed out the front door to make up for the fact that all essentials and full-time items needed to be purchased, and items on a normal parenting checklist had somehow been recently neglected. Therapists are being recruited. Moments of mistrust are tense. It is hard. 

But you know what? This knitting project represents progress. We have all come a long way in a very short time, and we are starting to come together as a beautiful unit. If details are what you want, reach out to me privately and I will decide if you are worthy or entitled to them. Other than that, though, I ask for both your donations to St. Jude, and your prayers. They don't have to be to God (the prayers, I mean). If you are the kind of person who talks to the ashes of your dead cat, then just know I totally get that. You do you, and thank you.

Reintroducing Reality

 Hi! I'm Amy, and I'm a Yarnaholic.

("Hi, Amy!")

First question:  Who wants to see the finished Pete the Cat sweater? It's here.

Now, I am working on the Great American Aran Afghan, the Victorian Lace shawl I will never finish, another sock-yarn shawl, the end of the fourth scarf I am donating to a cause this week, and...you know...paying bills, too. I have completed the first square of the afghan, but I did not put the bugs on it. I think the ones in the original pattern are cute, but they are not very "me."

I did, however, include the spider because spiders are amazing creatures.

I want to talk about how far gone people have strayed from reality over the past decade and specifically the past four years. This is directed at everyone whose world view is not rooted in reality, but they don't realize it.

In other words, they probably are not reading this.

That said, look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself the grace you deserve. Is it possible you have been overreacting? Is it possible you are letting your beliefs seek out opinions and "facts" that support those beliefs? Is it possible your learning tools all slant in the same direction?

A man on the street, who was interviewed regarding the Georgia runoff elections, had this to say:

“I can’t believe what’s been said about Trump and it’s all been taken out of context anyway,” Joey Moats, 65, from Rome, Ga., told Yahoo News. “He will stay in the White House later this month. Something fishy happened on election night. I just want accountability and a peaceful transition to Trump’s second term.”

Listen...this is not me picking on Trump, per se. It is not exactly difficult to say that what Biden says is always taken out of context when it comes to his verbal flubs.

The difference is this: Trump is not an isolated verbal flub. And two things are concerning about the above statement.

First, Trump being taken out of context. Multiple analyses over the past four years (as reported by the Boston Globe, Washington Post, and Newsweek, and even The Blaze) have concluded that Trump speaks at a fourth-grade level. Big deal, right? So his speech is dumbed down, despite his multiple degrees and business holdings. It is the best way to appeal to the masses, right?

Well, speaking like a fourth-grader is not just the size of the words, or the size of the sentences. It is the intent of the message, also. The anger, the leading emotion, this is what these analyses reference. "Take their oil!" is not a very presidential thing to say. It does not lay out any hint of strategy, any reasoning behind why the oil needs to be taken, and not even any sort of definitive action. All it does is convey anger, and because it is coming from a figure of authority, people think, "Oh...I guess I should be angry. Okay!"

See, what Trump says is not taken out of context. The issue is that there is no context provided. And why would he need context? He has people at his rallies, maskless and elbow-to-elbow, cheering about liberty and vaccine microchips and getting angry for no real reason.

The second part:  something fishy happened on election night. This message has been hammered into the brains of Trump supporters not just for two months, but for over four years.

The following tweets were before the 2016 election:

It is not that nobody questioned how free and fair our elections were before this. Of course they did; it is the reason there are signature verifications, voter registrations, witnesses, commissions, and mandatory recounts at an assigned minimum margin. But to say they are rigged? People, join us in reality.

This is along the same line as "what the mainstream media won't tell you." First, the mainstream media has to fact-check things to death. Lawsuits can break companies, and we live in an era where literally everyone around the news has a cell phone with a recording device and a camera on it. The undertaking of the so-called mainstream media to be defrauding the entire public out of as fair and accurate a depiction of events as possible is literally the most preposterous thing that could be conceived. We are talking matrix-level bullshit.

So, why is it so hard to break the cycle of seeking out news you feel is the truth? Well, you are not going to like my answer. It is because emotional abuse is the hardest cycle to break. For four years, you were told that the 2016 election was rigged despite Trump winning. Now, we have people being quoted in the news saying that the 2020 election was stolen, and that the democrats are too dumb to pull it off (thank you James Earnhardt, 76, of Canton). 

In other words, you have a guy spouting what he has heard for four years, because he was trained to be really angry, and he can't voice his own logical thoughts anymore.

No? Okay. Then ask yourself how 81 million people can be too dumb to steal an election, but their candidate won. Ask yourself after that how half of those 81 million people probably voted for Biden, but then some clever chaps with witnesses were rigging the voting machines to give Biden double the votes.

Logically and soundly, you know this is impossible. But when an actual fourth-grader tells you something outlandish about why he broke the dish, or why he was outside without his shoes on, or why he was provoked to hit his brother, you correct the behavior and speech.

We can't, as individuals, correct Trump's behavior and speech. But because he made half of us angry, and he was an authority figure so this is how we thought we should be led, we bought it.

And now we are left with a bunch of people who are quoting lies because they have heard these lies repeated so many times, they think they must be true now.

Break the cycle. Seek hope. Seek the truth, and I do not mean seek out "alternative" media. I mean reach out to the scientists, the economists, the strategists...people who get paid less money than they deserve for using facts to guide their behavior and beliefs. Try it. Seriously.

Pay attention to how things are worded. "Some are saying..." is not the same as "Doctor So-and-so, professor of epidemiology at the University of Whatever, concluded in his study that..."

Again, I am not saying this does not happen in the democratic party. But I am talking about right here, right now, and the fact that half of the republican senators are willing to put loyalty to their leader over their own constituents, under the guise of "public trust" (remember:  the reason there is distrust is because people were gaslighted, and not because there was widespread fraud), and it is appalling.

If your argument for your party is "the democrats are dumb" or "the republicans are crooks," then you are saying 50% of the country is dumb. Not dumber than you, but patently dumb. Do you believe that? I doubt it...I am guessing someone in your life who you respect fits into the "dumb" category, but you know them not to be dumb at all. However, if you strip people of their identity and lump them into a giant category (by using emotion, small words, and generalizations), you can stop seeing people and start seeing lemmings.

What you do not see, though, is that you yourself are the lemming.