Brain...Is...Full...

Good afternoon!  Yes, it's afternoon...I couldn't do my normal Tuesday-morning blog because I was verifying trailer numbers at sunrise.  Sad, but true.  Anyway, here is the latest Knit Tips Tuesday, about casting off at the end of a project:

http://www.examiner.com/knitting-in-chicago/knit-tips-tuesday-binding-off

This has been an unusually turbulent day for a Tuesday.  Usually, I wake up and try to turn into my normal self for the entire first half of the day.  Today, I woke up at 3:40am, took my pills, thought I could go back to sleep for a few hours, and ended up getting out of bed ten minutes later.  I showered, made myself pretty (well, as pretty as I have to be to make it in public without getting cold or arrested), and drove to Sealy, Texas.  I wrote Knit Tips Tuesday at McDonald's, otherwise known as "the only place in Sealy with wi-fi."  I then went to work for a few hours, went a-knitting, and my head started to explode on the way to lunch.

Too many ideas, not enough time.

After lunch, I needed to make sure my electric bill was paid.  I checked my email and had a message from Lion Brand Yarn Company...they are posting my guest blog on their website TOMORROW!  I will say this for both me and the masses...EEEEEEEEE!!!

I already woke up weird today, because I received correspondence this week that sort of haunted me in a good way.  A truly lovely gentleman who worked for me at the current place of employment decided to transfer to another location two months ago.  Four weeks later, he committed suicide. I had the task of telling my crew, which I made the mistake of doing in the morning. I reached out to this dear man's sister, just to send my condolences.  She wrote me back.

It was basically a message that explained what led to the events of his death, what demons were haunting him, and most importantly, this sentence:

"There was nothing anyone could have done."

So this time, I was more prepared.  Sadly, this is not the first time I had to tell a crew that a beloved coworker killed himself.  But this time, with this new message, I wanted to share it with the team.  I had a meeting at 6:25pm, right before we all left on Monday.  This is what I said:

"I sent a condolence letter to Chad's sister, and I heard back from her.  Her message isn't pretty, but I also know it may make some of you feel better.  If you would like to hear it, I will read it.  Otherwise, you are welcome to leave now.  If you change your mind, or you want a copy of it, I will leave it in my inbox.  But like I said, it's not a very happy message so I would understand if you didn't want to hear it.  The offer of me to read it is here, though."

Nobody moved.  At all.  I read it.

I think everyone felt deflated, but at least they had sufficient warning this time.  I felt so horrible after telling them the last time around...I still don't know if there is anyone who could have prepared me for how to tell everyone, but I know for sure the second time we talked about it was better than the first time.  So now I have a desire to knit this woman something, with love of course.  Food for thought.

Between thinking about that message yesterday, the scarf project, and a host of other things in my life requiring the phone to ring, I can't get my ideas to slow down enough for me to get them on paper.  I will do my best.

Thank you for reading.